BROKEN DREAMS. FOREVER BROKEN.

2010-10-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kind of boring
Need something that i can confess

Till all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no, I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll like those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like were chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news
All the problems we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Got no reason
Got no shame
Got no family
I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

Something that clicked

2010-09-26T08:55:00.002+08:00

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

When I say something or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony

I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't
This fucking black cloud still follow's me around
But it's time to exercise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realise what you did, believe me you did

2010-07-16T00:23:00.003+08:00

15th July was Hazel's b'day. And I almost forgot abt it. Let's see. Recently, I have been pondering. There are lots of things I can let go. Like the past, regardless if it is failed relationship or screwed up family matters or got to be stabbed by close friends. Hell, it does not matter anymore. In fact, I feel kinda powerful. With my own money, I got myself a phone (though is free as I sign contract but I pay my own bills lor...) a laptop, a bicycle and my cutest dog on earth. Is not like I got these things cos I saved up my parent's money. But through my own money that I worked for. Who, in my circle of friends at my age, pays for house rent and electricity? No one I know about. At least now I am given such responsibility. Kinda cool dun you think? (though it is stressful sometimes) Yeah, I feel kinda happy now cos I have almost everything I need, though there are times I see a group of friends going out together or a couple with lovey dovey make me feel kinda disheartening. But screw it, I want to be stronger and never regret for the rest of my life.

NO NO NO NO
I will never forget
NO NO
I will never regret
NO NO
I WILL LIVE MY LIFE

2010-07-02T01:38:00.001+08:00

RAR!!! K, I am done. Bye!

Slack ar!

2010-06-30T01:40:00.003+08:00

Today..ok, crosesd 12 midnight le. Yesterday, only one tuition so slack the whole day ar!! AHAHAHA! Nothing much i guess. Cheered up a bit. The day before yesterday was horrible. Couldn't sleep. Was so overwhelmed by envy that I could not even calm down and rest. Pissed that I dun have someone close to me, pissed that I seemed to always need to work my ass of to get money. But dunno why, i felt better. Maybe mood swing again. Mon student care was a bit hilarious cos of one of my students. He spelt "truck" as "truask" and "marker" as "market". Haha. My in charge wasn't going to pay me for my overtime..ah well. Amelia and I were staring at a thousand dollar note. The other student care teacher walked past and said, " Never see b4 ar?" Both of us were shaking our heads. Boy, my saving normally taken out using fifty dollar note. Of course nv see b4 la! Haha...got this crazy idea to take photo. Damn funny. Getting a bicycle soon! Yay! Got one last time cos of Nicholas' influenece but it got super rusty. Neighbour bought it for thirty bucks and I have not seen it ever since. Just need to take things slow. One baby step at a time. So excited! B-I-C-Y-C-L-E. hohoh..going crazy! WOOTS!

Blessed..unblessed..

2010-06-28T00:58:00.002+08:00

Cruising through fb is proven to be a taboo for me. pple uploading photos of outing with friends, their relationships make me sour... makes me feel ugly. Someone mentioned that some people are just blessed for now and it isn't my time. I have lived for two bloody decades so when the hell is this so call "blessed moment" going to come? Damn, I am tired of being alone. I have issues. I dunno how to deal with them. Dunno what to wear for my sec sch gathering. have not seen them for like 4 yrs? Freaking out. Bloody hell freaking out. I shall not use the F word anymore. Fuck it. Ooops, i just did.

Hate being so nice

2010-06-27T21:50:00.005+08:00

Sorry if I sound like a hypocrite. But i am pissed for being so nice. Doing pple favours with no returns. Maybe I am just being erm....I dun even know how to describe myself. Maybe I should learn how to say no but there are favours i can find no reason to turn down, neither do i have the heart to turn them down. Taught two lessons of maths today. Lots of people on the train was staring at the green slippers i was wearing. I know, it kinda looks like bathroom slippers. wearing it makes me feel like i can tread water. Caught up with john to play squash today. Kae Luen was too lazy to get his butt out of his house. Stupid army. So watch uncles play squash. Then played with uncle Thomas...god, I must be getting fat and slow and stupid..played like shit. Haiz..must train liao lor. Sis was being a bit of a retard. She dun wan to have junk food for dinner so she got me to buy Old Chang Kee's curry and other wadnots...junk food eh...mmmm....playing with hazel. See you tmr.

I know my toes are unglam...hell..the whole leg looks unglam.

Here's something to start with

2010-06-26T23:28:00.003+08:00

I have been grumbling to my colleagues how bad my memory has gotten. it is kinda frightening to me to realise that i couldn't remembered what i did last week, where i had been and etc etc. i used to be able to do so when i dragged till the following week to write down what i had done. So for now, since i have my own laptop, i shall TRY to blog as often as possible. Too tired to write diaries. Let's just say that past few months feel hazy to me. Worked in an orthodontist clinic, recruit express and recep...and tutor, somewhat becoming full time. barely meet up with people, except liang liang, steph and recently nicholyn, who moved next block to me. Sultan disappeared..somehow. Stupid army.

Listening to "airplanes"....Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now. Wish right now.....over and over again.

Dunno is it because of PMS or wad..i have been pondering a lot. One of my student's mum has passed away due to illness..his hw got affected. The thing is that I have no problem to committing to his work, make sure he catch up and stuff. But something happened today at the tuition centre. A kid who had the same lesson with him at the tuition centre I am working asked, "Where is *****'s mum?" the teacher was trying to change the subject by chiding her for digressing from her work. I tensed up, he answers every qn that is posted to him but there were silence from him. What pissed me was the stupid student asked again, "does ***** have a mum?" i almost got up my seat and went over to ask her to shut up. Then, the teacher explained, "everyone has a mum. his mum got ill and went to heaven." My heart sank, worried. I really dun wan to see that kid's face when he left the classroom after class. Instead, when it was end of lesson, i saw him grinning at me, "Hey! teacher joey..wad u still doing here?" I dunno to be relieved or should I be crying.

Went to nicholyn's house, got to know her neighbour. Shame on me for not knowing my neighbour though i have been living in tpy for 6 yrs as compared to her 4 mths. Again, family with problems that makes my heart ache. Mum and dad divorced. Mum went to jail cos of dad. Drug paddling I heard. Mum dun wan the child and grandma, strickened by cancer is, ironically, the one looking after him. He is eight this yr and his grandma almost gave him up adoption. Wad pissed me again is that the mum does nth at home. Grandpa hunted down by loan sharks. the kid has no one to turn to. i dunno. I was thinking, thinking, thinking when i was showering. Should I adopt the child? Damn...I am foolish eh? I can't even survive myself..how to look after the kid?

I want grow up fast..adopt kids instead of bearing one of my own. Wad's the point? Having a child when there are others who need help? Overpopulating indeed. Maybe I am just being naive...or being impractical and stupid again. I may even not being a good mum at all. God...why am I thinking abt such things now? Dizzy spells again...shit. I dun feel well.

Move on bitch

2010-06-06T10:03:00.002+08:00

The title is meant for myself, not anyone else (if you are reading this and u are affected by the title, it means u are guilty of smth). My blog has been a flop all along. Posted nothing but emo songs that mean nth but break up. so count with your toes how many relationships I've been through. Sucky man..i have pple yelling at me, " CHILL! TAKE IT SLOW!" Yea, you guess it, i never listen. I mentioned before, i shitted on my A level papers so true, results came back like shit. No way I can get to uni (optimists, shut ur trap now, I TRIED!). So now currently work at a tuition centre. No goals or motivation to do anything still, most likely going to NYP to do up a diploma and continuing to squash. Facebook has been a devil to me. It shows me how pathetic I am, someone with no life cos my photos is like crap. Pple going overseas with friends, going out with friends, tonnes of photos, people having super mushy photos and wall postings (make me cringe and feel sour). I have been working, falling sick, sleeping, working, falling sick...blah blah blah. Barely go out. Bloody hell. You can say I lack of something, something that enables me to connect. To be honest, I dunno wad i am talking abt. Sigh, guess the only thing i can do now is to concentrate the task at hand which is...erm...mmm. I dunno. I feel ugly (being ugly is a different thing) and so, I shall hide. Peace out!

For him

2010-05-18T20:21:00.001+08:00

有些话你选择不对她说
你说某种脆弱我才感同身受
我永远都愿意当个听众安慰你的痛
保护着你从始至终

就算你的爱属于她了
就算你的手她还牵着
就算你累了我会在这
一人盯两人疚三人游
悄悄的远远的或许舍不得
默默地静静地或许很值得
我还在某处守候着
说不定这也是一种幸福的资格
至少我们中还有人能快乐
这样就已足够了

有些话我选择保持沉默
别把实话说破隐藏我的寂寞
你的情绪依然把我牵动
躲在你心中角落的心事我们懂
不知道不知道不知道
为什么为什么我的爱
我的爱还留不住你的离开
却总在等待着你回来
说不定这也是一种得不到的却美好的
就样就已足够了
这样就已经够了

A song for him

2010-03-29T23:03:00.001+08:00

我曾认真试爱着一个人
他给我幸福的可能
我等我问未来何时发生
他只是给我一个吻

快乐我哭是因为你的手
曾答应带我向前走
难过我哭是因为我的手
找不到你说的以后
好眼泪坏眼泪我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只不过在你不再爱我了以后
像坏的眼泪慢慢流

快乐我哭是因为我付出
得到你温柔的答覆
难过我哭是因为我认输
你的心永远留不住

好眼泪坏眼泪我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只希望在我不再想你了之后
有好的眼泪慢慢流

有好的笑容陪着我

2010-01-29T08:20:00.002+08:00

The best thing in life was getting to be aware of love and loving somebody higher than anything else in this world. And yet, the worst thing in life is getting used to loving somebody higher than anything else in this world, knowing you´re going to-lose it all.

We dreamed a dream - woke up and lived it. We had the music in our hands. The drops of rain - became a river. And now it´s time to end this dance. So thank you.

New year...I hate it before it even starts

2009-12-31T23:30:00.002+08:00

So wad I have achieved in 2009? Nothing. Wad have I lost? Tonnes man..ok, my weight fell (dun laugh), some of my confidence, my self-esteem and my optimism. Ok, I may have found an awesome job...erm, maybe throw in getting to know more friends who are like on and off. See? I am skeptical from the start. The end of 2009 was a total crap business. Shit holidays, no work, makes my life suck. Is like everyone going out with their clique, with me walking past them from work to home. Struggling to find food to fill my tummy (why struggle? no appetite, yet I am hungry BUT I dunno what to eat.) That suck, then plong myself in front of the com munching, trying to find funny videos to laugh it off. Sounds like some nerd. Mum's out with jason. Sis gone with friends (ah ya, leave me alone<-------that's her parting "happy new year" to me). Hazel was nuaing like a carpet, poked her also no response. She offlined herself from me. A new friend of mine racking his brains thinking why I hate my life so much that I have to work my ass off in order not to think about it. Try spending time solitude in festive days. I'll see if you start emoing. Can't wait monday to come quick. I WAN TO WORK!!! Fucking new year to me. Resolutions? I shitted on my A levels script last months so I expected shit on my cert also. See how it goes. I'll weigh my options. Go RP for my fav course or try to geng to get into uni (what are the odds man?) I have no resolutions, seriously. Do I need one when none works out cos of my sudden sense of hope which turned out to be a mockery to me? Nay...I dun think. I have enough of being "normal". Ah yes, I need a new mask for my work. My emotions are too raw on my face. I want a mask that is unreadable.

Lesson I learnt on christmas...I dun think so.

2009-12-25T00:48:00.001+08:00

When things in your life seem , almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

The end

2009-12-24T21:24:00.004+08:00

I thought was that a New Year resolution is just something people do to have some kind of false hope, false courage. It is just an activity that he or she aims to do to become better. Too bad for me I learnt that not following the stupid list of what to do and what not do can be, well, brutal and violent. Not physically though, which I hope it is so. That girl brought to my senses to really see how important that stupid list is or should I say was, so important that I do not wish to do it again. She shared with me something. Just a chapter of her life. Year 2009.

She knew there were friends she could not keep anymore. She stayed away from them. There were huge prices to pay. No more cliques. No more laughter and crazy stories to share in a group. Worse come to worst, she had to be alone and be strong to face it. So she put up a strong hold in front of everyone. She turned into a hypocrite. “Smile…and lend a helping hand. Organize outings. You’ll be happier,” those are the false encouragements she gave herself when facing people she could not bring herself to hate or dislike. But still, every night, when she looked at me, she only told me, “What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t want those outings or whatever what nots. They are bluff. Scam! Will they come to me when they have outings of their own?” I replied, “You turned them down when they invited you.” She kept her silence for a while and muttered, “those aren’t for me…they just want entertainment. They just want me to be there so the atmosphere will be good. They just want numbers.” I could not answer that.

Days passed, I saw her struggling with her school, tackling with problems alone. Family was not much of a help as they didn’t pay much attention or they dismissed her grief as a trivial and passing thing. There were people who offered to help but she turned them down. She hated such people. “They offered to help so they can appear humane.” I was confused by her. She yearned that people would help but she refused help. Oxymoron. Still, the soundless screaming never stopped each time she hit the bathroom. I could do nothing as I had no idea what she wanted. I didn’t know what kind of person she wanted to be.

“Try telling people how you feel,” I suggested. She did. Replies came, “I felt the same way sometimes too.” “Now you understand how I feel when I went out with my friends.” “Huh…cheer up leh.” “okay.” “I’ll always here for you.” She freaked out with the last one. “I DON’T WANT TO KNOW IF THOSE SHIT PEOPLE FEEL THE SAME WAY TOO! I WANT ANSWERS! I WANT SOLUTIONS! THEY HAVE FRIENDS WITH THEM! I DON’T FEEL CONNECTED TO ANYONE AT ALL!! I LOST THE ONLY FRIEND WHOM I APPROACHED FIRST HAND TO WHAT? LUST?! It’s mockery to me…for me to put in everything. I got nothing back. I achieved nothing.” She cried. Again. I seriously pondered when such drama will stop. Hormones making a mess of her when her period approaching? No, impossible. This had gone for like DAYS. Maybe because of A levels. Hope so. I am getting sick of her.

She got calmer after the exams, knowing that she had screwed it up for sure. She had ditched her wishes to become a teacher. “What happened to the pact with that guy?” I asked. “Get lost and get off my face,” came the reply. She found a job, busy enough to keep her mind off things. She didn’t have the time to think. I was kind of relieved. It was not permanent but at least it would keep her from going down for the next half a year. She got to know all the colleagues within 3 days. There was no complaints when she knocked off. She was genuinely happy but tired. She was closer to a colleague who was guiding her. “She could be my new best friend!” she said to me one day, with a silly grin which I had not since for a long time.

Good things did not last, as usual. In her life, it happened too many times that she was aware of it and had been very cautious about it. But strangely, she was taken off guard. Her colleague was leaving. She was…I couldn’t find words to describe it. One moment she singing mentally in her head while doing her job, the next, there was silence. So silent that you could hear a pin drop. She couldn’t hear the Christmas carol that was playing in the lab. “Cheer up, she has high hopes for you so don’t disappoint her ok?” I encouraged her. Like a switch, the singing continued and I sighed in relief.

The day when her colleague was due to leave, she screwed up her job, could not do things in her usual quick, decisive pace. Things were unorganized, everything was in a mess. Her colleague stepped in to help. She was happy. “Let her see you smile before she leaves. You don’t want her to leave, worrying for you, do you?” I pushed her a bit. She smiled but received an insulting response from another colleague, “you are happy that she is leaving and you can have everything to yourself right?” Her smile slipped and I was lost for words. She became quiet for the rest of the day. Other colleagues cried at the end of the day. She stayed in the lab furiously finishing her work. Tears flowed blurring her vision. She nicked her finger at the trimmer. She didn’t care. She was heart broken. Stubborn as she was, she wiped it away, took a few breaths and looked her colleague for the final check on her work. She wished her colleague would take notice of her redden eyes. She did not take notice.

Christmas was fast approaching and holidays tagged along. She had no work to keep her mind off things. She asked several people out. Very few replied and those replies didn’t do any good to her as they did not do her any favor. To her, miraculously, everyone was occupied. Her mum was getting married and her sister soon attached, naturally, they were not with her. She felt lonely, brutally deceived by hopes that danced mockingly in front of her. Again, she screamed in the toilet. But this time round, a long ragged scream tore out from her throat. I couldn’t bring myself to watch anymore. I couldn’t. She looked at me in the eye and whispered, “Why?” I couldn’t answer.

She walked out of the toilet and i heard her no more. Just like that. Merry Christmas.

Emoing...if only someone will sing me this song and really mean it.

2009-12-14T00:16:00.001+08:00

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you're leaving
As you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me

2009-12-07T22:08:00.002+08:00

As days went by, I just got more and more awkward regarding to the way I am. Tired of asking myself the same question repeatedly. " Who do you feel connected to?" "Is there anyone who is really close to you?" "Why people's lives seemed to be not hypocritical as you ar?" Fine, those are more than one question. But I can't answer those. Dun care...find work...best if it is a seven day job. Bring it on. I want to work till I drop. Without thinking of trivial matters. Ya, trivial indeed. So trivial that I am freaked by them. Talking about an elephant fearing a rat. I'm the elephant. The questions are pesky rats.

Hui Ling's new way of communication with Hazel

2009-11-25T22:58:00.002+08:00

My honey came over today when I was changing bedsheets. "I shall declare you as my gf!"That's wad I yelled from the bedroom. Well, I was answered by gagging noises and puking sounds. *shrugs* Hahaha. The next thing she did that made me laugh like hell, hurting my sides, was to talk to Hazel. " Rough! Rough! Rough!" Hazel just tilt her head to one side and looked at Hui Ling, puzzled. ROFL! Sigh, should have videoed it down. She played guitar geek on the com while i was still worrying over my household chores. Went out, played squash, knee went bananas, got back home and slack...haha. Rough, rough indeed. So, the anniversary date is 25/11. Not bad, celebrate one month on christmas. Heh heh heh, wait...is hohohoho. Haha =)

To The Person I Used to Treasure

2009-11-18T13:45:00.003+08:00

I'm confused. I've no idea what to do nor do I know how to feel. Tell me who am I. Tell me what am I to you. You distanced yourself, then you closed the gap. After that, you step yourself away from me. What kind of the dance are you trying to choreograph? It's tiring. I can't keep up with you. Been quite a while isn't? So speak to me, tell me what you are thinking. Stop playing your cards so close to your chest for god's sake, wait, for my sake. The rest I understand, I may not be a good friend, I may have done too much for them for my own good, I may have been a bitch to some, be a hypocrite to the others. But for you, at least it's real. It's goddammit real.

2009-10-25T23:07:00.002+08:00

Finally had a productive day. Felt happy studying with a friend. Cleared 2 bio papers and one maths paper 2. But I have to admit that bio paper, I 've no clue wad I was doing. A lot of dunnos. Was enjoying myself doing work when my friend said somthing that stopped me in my momentum, leaving me pondering over something. I have clarify that he did not say anything that hurt or insulted me. It just that it tugged onto something that I've shoving to the back of my mind. "Replacement" happened to be one of the words that threw me off course. So happened that he had to study with another but happened that she fell sick so I got to study with him. Sounds wrong to me. I certainly have no idea where I stand in everyone's life. Be it a stone on the roadside or even a wind that makes you feel good at a moment and you will soon forget about it without giving much thought. At least if I know I am such case, I would not be lying to myself that "hey! you HAVE friends." but in fact, the funny thing is I am not aware that I am truely, indeed lying to myself. Sounds messy eh? In a nutshell, I am confused.

"I'm a big big girl,
in this big big world,
it's not a big big thing if you leave me."

I'm sure you have heard this song. Let me change the verses a bit.

"I'm a small small girl,

in this big ugly world,
it's will be a good good thing

if you tell me."

So TELL me if I'm a friend who is just there at your disposal. Nothing is going to change I promise but at least I won't break my heart time and time again due to the fact that I had a glimmer of hope that someone is really there for me, truly there for me and always be there for me for all it matters.

PS:no fault goes to the friend I studied with.
appreciated the time we spent studying together.

Hi Stranger

2009-10-18T22:36:00.002+08:00

Hi stranger. Why are your face wet?
Hi stranger. Why are your eyes swollen?
Hi stranger. Why are you sitting on the staircase alone?
Hi stranger. Why are you unable to tell me why you are upset?
Hi stranger. Why are you looking away?
Hi stranger. Why do you hide yourself from others?
Hi stranger. Why do you regard yourself as a stranger when it is yourself?
Hi stranger. Why do I not understand you?
Hi stranger. I'm tired of you.
Get lost.

Bye stranger.

Grad Day...

2009-10-16T22:42:00.004+08:00

No biggy today man. It's like a total waste of time till to the near end. Started off with consultations. Sultan thinks I'm nuts to have that early in the morning. What to do? The tutor had her schedule booked to the very last minute. She was sneezing while teaching me and gave me a post it dispenser. Just great man...I'm already feeling like one and it was like a confirmation that I'm really one. After that principal talk and other wad nots. Honour roll and most improvement. Blah blah blah...dunno wad I was doing with Sultan's class also la...just can kill time steady enough. CT period was a waste of time. Got back result slip, check testimonial and ya, you guessed it right, I was isolating myself again. "What the fuck is with this graduation day anyways.." dunno how many times had I thought about it. Went to eat. Some of the loser classmates went to eat also, keep mumbling "3 more minutesdf...2 more minutes.." couldn't finish their food. toss it. Was kinda amusing to watch them rush through their food while I took my time. The biggest loser was the one who bought noodle soup when the bell rang. Ah, stupid me actually thought of staying for him. What rubbish I am. Had time to chat with some of my bros while watching him finishing his food and rushed upstairs. Screw the grad ceremony. Did not go in. Was back being my usual self. Stone at staircase with Ming Jie, babbling rubbish with pathetic thoughts that he might be able to understand my feelings. Well, it boiled down to just pia with studies, talk rubbish later. Sigh, god damn it fucking right. Went it after my butt got flatten on the staircase. Wonder how I pulled it off during sec sch when I could stone without moving for half an hour. I must be really emo. My class got two awards which are Most improved (gag) and most service learning hours (we must be a bunch of KPOs). Alvin told me to take 4 chocs that we had won (like as if I give a shit) reason that I contributed in the service award thingy. I shot back," Aren't steph and cass are the ones that put in a lot of effort into that?" "True". Fuck, he is dim witted. Felt like throwing the choc into his face but hey, MERCI choc you know. Wanted to buy that for my ex's b'day so I might, MIGHT be able to try it too but hell, between wallet and choc, which one makes me appear more NOT bimbotic? WALLET LA!

I tell you now. The fun part only starts now. That's why it deserves a new paragraph. After grad ceremony, I was still having the sian face. So Sultan being very sweet, put a cam in front of me and I had no choice but to do spastic stuff likeSO my mood changed for the better very fast. Very soon became a photographer for class 0813. Very happy to be at their service. Loved their camera to bits. Haha. Went to lt 4 to take spastic shots. Ya, the models' demands are way egoistic. But hey, they are guys you know. What they wanted that I can't say la...later people categorized my blog as one of the porn webby I will totally sian. Went to eat pizza hut and teach tuition.

PS: sultan, if you were to read this,
dun scold me for skipping so many details
on the last bit,blogging is tiring man...
But i thank you for the wonderful memory
on my grad day though it was at the very end.

2009-10-14T20:38:00.002+08:00

Today was a crappy day. Went to school at nine thirty when everyone was going hone. Opposite direction eh? Went to school for bio and taught some of my folks gp. You must be asking why so late. Cos to be honest, I had no intention to go to school at all. Well, I told my CT that I had diarrhea. Bullshit. Sigh. Shitty day. Feeling damn alone. Dunno what is biting me. Not Hazel of course. Just that have this chip on my back which is unreachable. Nay, not because my arms are short, just that I have no one to turn to get that chip off. Irritating. Kinda upsetting too.

Turn on the engine!

2009-10-07T18:03:00.002+08:00

Today was the first day I went to school for this week. Feeling super not motivated to go to school. Nay, its not because of my laziness towards work but the people who I see in school makes me damn sian. Thank god I saw none of them. Haha, jess jio me go for lunch but I promised Hazel I'll be back home by 1300. But still, I stayed on. Ate chicken rice with jia hao, yi da, jess and kae luen. Rounds after rounds of 冷笑话, with my constant reminder for yi da to finish his food. Sigh, realised I super noob in maths le. Must chiong more papers! Bathed Hazel but had problems with brushing her teeth. Her normal enthusiasm to attack my fingers seemed to be gone, instead she clams her mouth shut, only 5 minutes later she tasted the toothpaste *lick lick* THEN she opened her pretty mouth. Teeth so small, yet so sharp. Showering was not much of a problem just that I keep worrying if she's gonna catch a cold. Toweled her dry, like typical dogs, sprayed me with water by shaking her body. Wish humans can do that..lol! Had fun thought but tiring. Alrights, I'm off to study!!!

2009-10-06T21:41:00.002+08:00

When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head.
Television freak show cops and robbers everywhere.
Subway makes me nervous people pushing me too far.
Got to break away so take my hand now because, I want to live like animals.

Careless and free, like animals.
I want to run through the jungle the wind in my hair and the sand at my feet.

I've been having difficulties keeping to myself.
Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf.
Animals and children tell the truth they never lie.
Which one is more human?
There's a thought now you decide.

Compassion in the jungle.
Compassion in your hands.
Would you like to make a run for it?
would you like to take my hand?

Sometimes this life can get you down.
It's so confusing there's so many rules to follow.
But I don't feel it because I just run away in my mind.

I want to live like animals.
Careless and free, like animals.
I want to live.
I want to run through the jungle the wind in my hair and the sand at my feet.

Ah...new member of family

2009-10-05T21:04:00.003+08:00

家里来了一个新成员，但不需要多一双筷子。haha...this is my new daughter hazel. Sigh...but my fortune is like mmmm....gone. She is a shih tzu. 2 and half months old. Pure breed. Female...of course la. Damn, this means there are 4 females in the house. Talking about oestrogen level shooting sky high...lol. This means I have all the reasons in the world to go home early. Someone to look forward to at the end of the day. Screw the people in school. Muahahaha! Paiseh...the video suck.

2009-10-04T21:18:00.001+08:00

I am falling sick. finally.

I'm strong on the surface, but not all the way through

2009-10-04T00:42:00.004+08:00

I dreamt I was missing, I were so scared. But no one would listen cos no one else cared. After my dreaming, I woke, crying again, with this fear. How many more nights I am going to spend wetting my pillow? What am I leaving when I'm done here? Does anyone know if I'm leaving in the first place? Not expecting to be one who is so important that friend will fuss like crazy. A little of that seemed like a luxury. I'm strong on the surface but not all the way through. I've never been perfect but neither has anyone else. So explain to me all the differences that occur to me but anyone else.I appear strong. Maybe someone whose 神经 is super 大条one. But no point right? Trying to ignore everything that threatens my emotions, judging by how much I can be affected by actions so trivial such as tossing my paper on the table with the comment,"eee..." ah...one of the tutors did told me those people are childish so I should not react to it. But it still hurts doesn't it? So much of putting in effort to maintain a friendship. Ended up hurting hurting myself. I dread going to school. Hated it to bits. People hang out with, they are super nice, they tolerate my nonsensical rubbish but still I dun feel belong. Dunno how to phrase it,let's see...maybe is like entering a place that makes you stick out like a sore thumb? Is like settling at the table with a plate of chicken rice can be very awkward, no matter I'm with someone or not. Watch everyone around me, thoughts like," they look cool sia...one gang of people doing stuff together," or "if only I can be like them."

Hey, Hey Did you ever think there might be another way to just feel better,just feel better about today? *shrug* I have no idea actually. Right now I feel just like a leaf on a breeze. Who knows where it's blowing. Who knows where it's going. I find myself somewhere I never thought I'd be. Going round in circles, thinking about people and me. How do I explain it when I don't know what to say? What do I do now, so much has changed and yet I'm back at square one? Scrolling down contacts, dunno who to confine to. They either shrug off and say,"joey, relax.." or dunno la..scold me for the lack of gratitude but saying thanks for no help done (what I feel) sounds damn hypocritical. What to do? I'm on my own, as it always been. People in my life...like my luck in mahjong. Takes pains to earn a thousand bucks in 4 games(equivalent to 2 relative close friends in 6 months) but gone just in the next game( equivalent to 5 friends in 3 months). Lousy skill eh lousy skill. Skills infested with lice. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Funny.

Words of advice for myself

2009-10-03T01:25:00.000+08:00

Smile girl, for you are not dead yet.
Jia you Joey for all the things you do, your inner self can never betray you though you have betrayed yourself numerous times, but is the better of the evil between others and yourself.
You get punched by others, you return it ten fold, discarding the ties you used to have with them.
Be practical, girl. No one in this world ever pity someone who has fallen from grace but never fail to use him as a stepping stone.
BE STRONG JOEY!

Love,
Your inner self.

Maths...maths...maths

2009-10-01T21:24:00.002+08:00

No one say MUST go to your designated LT wad...so I went to LT 4 today for maths lecture. The speed was crazy but I liked it. Was damn motivated to do well for maths. I mean for me going towards teaching career, maths seems to be the only subject that blows students' minds off literally. Well, I WAS IMPRESSED. The lecturer was running along the line that cuts cockiness and showing,"Hey, I'm that good." Wish to be like him...but my maths is like shit. My maths tutor was showing off how zai his maths was. Having chicken pox prior to A levels seems taboo and downright suay, but he pulled it off. Bragged that he did all sorts of stupid things that typical mischievous students might do during secondary school, hell...looking back I was running after late comers with a councillor tie straggling my neck. No life sia...simply no life...downright pathetic.

Ahhh...here I am again

2009-09-30T21:22:00.002+08:00

You see ah...apparently a few people have been asking for my blog address and went to check it out but as you know la hor, disappointment awaits them. Tonight was a little nuts cos I decided to blog after skimming through someone else's. I no longer write diaries anymore cos nobody bothered to read them. I feel that all those personality tests can jolly well stay in facebook. God knows how many I have in my account excluding those I have published on my profile. Is just that JC life have been crazy fro me. Well, mine is 3 yrs. The first year was crazy, the second was not so crazy and the third year, which I hope it will be my last, is absolutely full blown bananas. A levels just drive a student nuts eh? Esp with tutors yelling into the mic that it is our last lap. Must persevere on you know? Me, I have flung all my H2s , passed my H1s. Like as if got use right? Wish is the other way around though. You may have asked, hey, tell me what you have been doing to last 3 yrs. Long stories la...in fact I am pondering if I were to relate those stories, if people were to read it, they would have label it as cliche. I mean I was one of the ignorant young ones who think that things won't happen to me. But hell, it did. Wad to do? Face it? Hide at one corner and cry la...wth. Each experience just stab you somewhere sensitive and the healing part is a bitch and the scar is always there to remind you, "HEY! IT HAPPENED! DUN YOU FORGET THAT!" Sucks. Sigh. I made friends at my first year and end up losing 90% of them by the second yr. Haha, call me loser. Literally. I'm one and I lose things and people. Man, I do live up to the meaning of the word. I may be a good friend to some and a nutty one to the other but hey, I compromised with a majority you know. Someone even called me a loser when I shared that I apologised for something I did not do. Hell la, I know myself that I'm someone who rather take the blame just to avoid all those troublesome quibbles. Irritating. ZZZ...what ever la...now I am squeezing out what to type out...maybe tmr when I pour out everything here...judging by my reputation dun think anyone will read, I am safe for now =)

Signing off,
joey T.T

Random

2008-12-03T16:49:00.003+08:00

What D.Gray-man Character Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime

What Zanpakutou Would You Have?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime

Which Espada Member are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime

I can look nice. I think..

2008-07-22T19:55:00.001+08:00

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

When happened to me happened to someone else.

2008-06-16T18:27:00.000+08:00

Her pain was heartfelt. Somehow is like reflecting myself and the situation I was in. I understand how she feels. Normally friend's don't, no matter how many times they claim to be understandable. No, I am different. I was in the exact situation as she was. 那么痴情，愿意把自己所有的一切给他，但他不领情，混蛋，该死的男人. Dunno why, I listen to her, the pain is kinda real. Feel pain for her? Able to feel hm's pain when she saw yc dancing with a girl on stage though it was only a competition. She wished it was her. Could feel eeyore's pain when she came to realise that he could never be with her though she had put in a lot. Awfully one-sided. How would she feel when she saw 2 of them walking out of the campus together? Would have called her naive. To think back, wasn't I the same? I dun even know how I will feel when I saw HIM walk out of school, holding a girl's hand. Tear myself apart? The point of doing that? That's no reason to it, seriously. All i want to do now is that i wish i could be at her side when she is feeling down, give her a hug, telling her that everything's going to be ok. Am i going to do the same for myself? Will I allow anyone to do that for me? I dun think so. Why? I am known to be harsh to myself. Not allowing myself to soften down, like what happened 9 months ago. It's not worth. That son of the bitch.

Ignore the text. Look at the mouse

2008-05-25T20:15:00.001+08:00

Your True Love Will Find You Eventually

You definitely put yourself out there a little - but you could be doing more.

If you're truly looking for love, try doing more things and meeting more people.

You don't have to actively look for love, you just need to stay active.

Be out there a little more, and the right person will find you!

Will Your True Love Find You?

2008-05-25T20:13:00.001+08:00

You Are Very Skeptical

Your personal motto is: "Prove it."

While some ideas, like life after death, may seem nice...

You aren't going to believe them simply because it feels good.

You let science and facts be your guide... Even if it means you don't share the beliefs of those around you.

How Skeptical Are You?

2008-05-25T20:12:00.000+08:00

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is.

You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.

You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.

You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Ok. I agree.

2008-05-25T20:08:00.000+08:00

What Joey Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.

You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.

You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Rambles

2008-05-16T18:42:00.000+08:00

When it's time, it's time. When it's yours, it's yours. When it's not yours, no matter how hard you try, it'll not be yours. So much of trying ur best eh? I learn this the hard way. The sweet part is i always get to witness a pleasant thing. Never be able to experience it. Spending nights in misery is taking its toll. Feel like shit. The joey in school is an utter hypocrite. Extreme lie. Tell me, tell myself, when is the last time I was really happy? I think it's when i was with him. Then again, he was a lie too. I dunno how to answer that. I dun dare to answer actually. Cos answer is I really have no idea.

Ah! Damn it!

2008-05-09T18:47:00.000+08:00

Didn't get into OSLE. Was freaking pissed. Ya,he got in. That makes me more pissed. WTF. honestly, am I depressed that I cannot go for OSLE or is it that he is going and I am not? To think about it, I have been looking forward to travel with him. *slap!* We are walking on different paths. Why the fuck am I still thinking of him. God damn it.

Something that kinda cheers me up

2008-03-12T13:19:00.001+08:00

Love the dog though.

我放弃了对爱的期望

2008-01-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

爱了不该爱的人, 心中满是伤痕.
犯了不该犯的错, 心中满是悔恨.
尝尽了生活的苦, 找不到可以相信的人.
感到万分沮丧, 甚至开始怀疑人生.
早知道伤心总是难免的, 又何苦一往情深.
因为爱情总是难舍难分, 何必在意那一点点温存, 要知道伤心总是难免的.
在每一个梦醒时分, 有些事情我现在不必问, 有些人我永远不必等.

Bukit Timah NatUre Walk

2008-01-16T20:45:00.000+08:00

Having to really sit down and ponder about the Bukit Timah Reserve Nature Walk this afternoon. I realized how little I was aware towards the environment. I was expecting just another “Jalan Jalan” session in a park like when I was in a secondary and primary school. So, I was thinking, might as well grab a notebook and pen down notes that were interesting so I could actually look back in future for reference. Our guide was a volunteer, Uncle Johnny. Not that kind of handsome hunk that I pictured. He was a very nice elder who was very patient towards our ignorant questions. Our tutors mentioned on the bus that if we had any questions, “ASK THE GUIDE! DON’T ASK US!” Well, they studied a different branch of biology from the guide.

Uncle Johnny pointed us on the map of the reserve. The map showed how fragmented is our precious rainforest. It is so small yet highly impacted. I could not believe the number of species in this small spot is more than that of North America. For my group, we took the green route. Bukit Timah Nature Reserve is a tropical rainforest. The soil is basically hard and clayey so the roots of trees go out of the soil. Plants are modified for survival. The leaves of the plants in the rainforest have drip tips so rain drops will not be collected. As a result, algae will not grow and prevent the leaves from carrying out photosynthesis. The roots of the tress are buttress roots so they can anchor to the soil. Along the trail, we spotted a lot of interesting plants. Here are some examples:-

Centipede ferns. Well, as the name suggests, from the top view the stem of the plant did look like centipede.

We walked past a very tall tree (hundred times of my height but I am short) with very even diameter throughout the whole tree. You guessed it. It is Sepui, Red Dhup tree. People from the past decades had no proper building materials so they used its timber.

We too came across rattan plants. I was quite surprised that it looked different from what the markets sold to parents to “maintain order” of their children. But to think about it, it is kind of scary if they were to use the rattan with spikes.

When coming across red leaves, I used to believe that it was just the leaves lacking of green pigments. But according to uncle Johnny young leaves have different colour protected. The red pigment can also protect the young leaves from UV light. Think about it. How about using them as our umbrellas? No, ended up killing more trees.

Here is one of my favourites: The leaf litter plant aka the Kiasu plant. Why is it so? Plants, unlike animals are rooted to the ground and have to share available nutrients with the roots of other surrounding plants. This amazing under storey plant is an unbranched treelet with long, narrow and spirally arranged leaves that traps falling leaves. As the trapped leaves decompose, the nutrients released are absorbed directly into the plant for its growth. Talking about Kiasu, we Singaporeans get things as much as we can right? Just like this plant!

We came across animals like a monitor lizard. Wished I had a tongue like its. I spotted three squirrels and a very huge ant which is around the size of my thumb.

After walking for like forty minutes, we had reached the summit! We took photographs there and walked our way down again. The way down somehow refreshed my memory once more. I will be going there again to thoroughly enjoy nature all over again. Going in groups can be a little too noisy sometimes.

A message from one when I was really down.

2008-01-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

我,我为你付出所有的
我的担心,我的甜蜜,我的呼吸
你的笑绝对的神奇,你的哭绝对的可惜
因为你让我明白生命的真谛

可知道你的不小心会让我伤心一辈子
我是愿意为了你今生永不渝
为我,你要好好自己保护自己
慢慢的学习,不要干着急
一步一步走出每一个谷底,坚定不移
为我,你要好好自己保重身体
在每一段的路,总会一身污泥
心肝宝贝,不要怀疑最爱的就是你

你,你是我一生的唯一
你的声音,你的鼓励,我的意义
如果没好好的身体
你,我怎能永远在一起
外面的风和雨已不是问题
你永远是我的心肝,而我已不是你的宝贝

Yay!!! One week goes like this

2008-01-06T10:11:00.000+08:00

Since tomorrow, it'll be Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday again.
Look at Wednesday, and Thursday they'll turn into Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Let's go for our everyday dreams.
Let's go again!
Since tomorrow, it'll be Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday again.
Look at Wednesday, and Thursday they'll turn into Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Let's keep living enjoying ourselves.
Let's continue!
♪ ♪ ☆ When Monday begins, everyday I pine for the distant weekend.
When it becomes Tuesday and Wednesday, I get a smiling face.
Am I having cramps?
I realize that Thursday is fair and important.
I haven't decided on tomorrow's night plans so I'll think about it on Friday.
I'll go and break the wall of freedom
I survive everyday with a cloudy mind while we continue working our butt off.
If this walking heart gives up, we'll go at ease on our defeat ♪ ♪ ☆
It can't be helped now, I still have a lot of things to do, and this feeling is defeated
In one day I get 4 hours of sleep
Everyday this physical strength is poured into becoming an adult, what does it mean?
The exterior still looks nice, but I'm older than 35 years already
What kind of face we will have?
Are we going to become good-looking adults?
I survive everyday with a cloudy mind while we continue slowly and nicely.
I won't give up someday it'll be necessary for a drop of water to pierce a rock.
♪ ♪ ☆ Everyday is a repetition
There is not a place to go.
This feeling goes over and over,
It turns to be dizzy
Everyday is like swimming
But when I get discourage, I laugh and laugh to make myself merry once more.
Let's go again! ♪ ♪ ☆

I Smile not for myself, for others

2008-01-04T20:36:00.000+08:00

Today, during the workshop, we were told to write a letter for ourselves. I wrote a long one, reminding myself that there is no one there for me. I smile for myself not for anyone. I am suppose to be happy for myself, not for anyone. I take it back. I take it all back. I was wrong. Damn wrong. I missed out someone. Someone important. I took him for granted. He is always telling me that I think too much. Asked me to cheer up so often that it makes me to feel guilty to even frown. He will grin and grin at me that I couldn't help it but to smile "Ooo...fake smile, fake smile," he will go on chanting until I will just give up. Nicholyn told me that I have changed. There's less smiles and somehow I have lost that certain "cheerful energy" that used to affect people a lot. He told me that he prefer the old and cheerful Joey. Why must I be down and unapproachable because I have one screwed up relationship that it seemed to be non-existent at all. Well, the so called soulmate of mine (I never believe in such bullshit, stupid that I once did) had found his love. Ya, congrats to you to FALL in GENUINELY love. No, I am not being sour. Just find myself realizing that I am so way behind her. I dun think I can properly love someone and give him what he needs. But I can learn. It is not about how many cards you made personally or how many things you bought for him. It's about the FEELING. I mean ya, you can grumble all you wan that you are encountering some relationship that is awfully one-sided. But to think about it, you can't be expecting someone who doesn't feel for you to reciprocate what you dished out. NO SUCH BULLSHIT! Things are not meant for you, it will not be. Ya, I am a much happier person now. Going back to my old life was cowardly. YES, SMILE! Not for the sake of smiling. Is from within. For everyone who is nice to me. My smiles are acknowledgments to all your kindness. Thank you everyone, esp Zhi Nan. I owe you lots. Mmm, I'll pay back in installments? =X Oh yes, I played bball today despite to doc's advice "no sports, light duties only." Ask me if I care. I wanna enjoy myself. Let those dark periods be history. They are not dragging me down. Never ever again.

Resolutions and post reflections of 2007

2008-01-01T11:17:00.000+08:00

I've seen my chances come and go
how they escape me I'll never know
I've had the answers there in my hand
I just didn't understand

Now lady luck has smiled at me
and given me another try
to meet up with my destiny
to find a way to fly

I wanna do something right
for once in my life
before it's too late and I give up the fight
Gonna bury my fears and save a few tears
because I did something right

I see you standing there by the door
I get the feeling we've been here before
Watching emotions like runaway trains
we shouldn't miss again

I don't wanna sit back waiting
as I watch my ship go by
tomorrow won't wait for you and I

I've seen my changes come and go
how they escape me I still don't know
I have the answer here in my hand
now that I understand
I handle my own dreams
No one is going to take them away from me

So what is it now?

2007-12-31T20:26:00.001+08:00

Erm, last day of december? Last day of the Day? Mmm...is there anything for me to say or clarify? As long as i know, Year 2007 has been good at the start of the year but got kinda bad at the end. As usual, relationship matters screwed me upside down. But hey! I learnt something ok? Mmm..ah yes! I enjoyed myself too much to study. Basically, things I have screwed up, movies I have watched, things I have done, well, the evidence are wiped clean. Gone in the wind. So what does it show? Forget about 2007 and pretend that it did not happen at all. Yes, bits of memory still linger on. Regrets make me kinda sour. But there is nothing I I can do about it. Shove it behind my brain,

AH, Yes. About my new year resolutions. "Get fatter!"cried my forever idiotic sis. Genetics at work. Mum's weird sense of humour. Lucky it does not pass down to me. But I am stained by it. Weird character that is. Back to New Year resolutions. Read the dictionary? Learning new words everyday? Wait wait wait...I mean the pocket one. I am not so insane to do that. Bullshit about human brain has unlimited memory. Mine doesn't! *pouts* Mmm...mug hard? This one used to be tentative but this time round I really mean it. Mug! Mug! Must got company ba. ZHUN EN!!!!! MUG AT TPY LIBRARY!!!!!! *waves* Mmm, perspective to wards people have to change too. This year, is that I dun like people only when I get to know how bad they are. So next year, I am going to like people only when I get to know them. Easy. Piece of cake! Isn't that what I did during sec3 and 4? Lol...Gao Zi Bi la. SOmeone dared me to stay dumb for next year. Well, that's my intention.

Haizzz...I feel distanced from the rest already. Oh yes, my christams gifts are erm...ok ba. Someone gave me a feeling of losing all my impt things at one go, one gave me a feeling of being cheated. Mum gave me erm...mmm. I dunno. My sis gave me a b'day present in advance (she's trying to skip the x'mas gift. I just know it.) My doctor gave me an operation. I got myself a treat to the movies and a whole bag of potato chips. Ah...new year. BRING IT ON! I BITE YOU AR! (lol..sorry DB...stole ur line)

Something Random Again

2007-12-30T12:19:00.001+08:00

Ok...I promised to update my blog soon. But first let me entertain myself with such tests. =X

Just a shortout, nth personal

2007-12-23T23:52:00.000+08:00

Yeah you broke my heart for the first time
But I'll get over that too
It's hard to find the reasons
Who can see the rhyme?
I guess that we where seasons out of time
I guess you didn't know me

If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprised that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry
No not me, not I, not I, no not me, not I

The story goes on without you
And there's got to be another ending
But yeah you broke my heart it won't be the last time
But I'll get over them too
As a new door opens we close the ones behind
And if you search your soul I know you'll find
You never really knew me

If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprised that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry
No not me, not I, not I, not I, not I

All you said to me
All you promised me
All the mystery never did believe
No I never cry no I never not me not I

If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprised that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry No not I, I won't cry
No not me, not I, not I, Not I
No not me, not I

It's been a long while

2007-12-13T14:04:00.000+08:00

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

Another bullshit

2007-08-15T20:05:00.000+08:00

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful
But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself
You're the perfect blend of independent and caring
You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

BAZAAR AT NTU!!!

2007-08-04T19:51:00.000+08:00

Jacqueline and I

Miko's monkey, herself and I

I a bit zi lian nowadays

Orange juice pack that looked strangely like cat food

Man, today was a early and looooong day. I woke up at 0430 and found myself at the bus interchange waiting for the first bus which is was at 0510. When I boarded the bus, it was only two people. When I woke up an hour later, I found myself surrounded by lots of old people. K..nvm.. I sort of contradicted myself of reaching early as I was stuck in boon lay bus interchange not knowing where to alight when I board bus 179. Lucky Yi hui going by car so tongbang lor.. We decorated the booth at amazing speed though our booth looked naked compared to the rest. PERNIK BALI is our stall name..dun bother asking me wad it means though.Business was going on very well and surprisingly the necklaces which were made of stone and least expected to be sold was gone by the first hr. I fell asleep in the middle of the bazaar.. ws too tired ma...lol Tried a lot of new stuff and saw my fellow calligraphy competitor selling his works.. lol..too bad. I did not bring my brush. Went home at 1600 and I was really pooped.

Something random

2007-08-03T00:12:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: February 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others.
Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy.
Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas.
Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges.

Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower

Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom

Your power color: Tangerine

Your power symbol: Ace

Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

NIGHT STUDY!! DARN SPASTIC AR!!!

2007-08-02T22:31:00.000+08:00

Looking retarded but honestly it was a candid shot

Lol..today went night study with classmates...but ended up we did spastic stuff...paper balls were seen flying the across..eh, got bottles and my shoes too... Not too bad quite productive..finished 2 chapters of chemistry...freaking hilarious I tell you.

Because I'm a girl

2007-07-17T22:57:00.001+08:00

I just can't understand the ways
Of all the men and their mistakes
You give them all your heart
And then they rip it all away

You told me how much you loved me
And how our love was meant to be
And I believed in you
I thought that you would set me free

You should've just told me the truth
That I wasn't the girl for you
Still, I didn't have a clue
So my heart depended on you, whoa

Although I'll say I hate you now
Though I'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

Been told a man will leave you cold
Get sick of you and bored
I know that it's no lie
I gave my all, still I just cry

Never again will I be fooled
To give my all when nothing's true
I won't be played again
But I will fall in love again

I loved you so
Now you leave me in the cold
How could this be
I thought that you'd only love me

Into the night
I will pray that you're alright
You hurt me so
I just can't let you go

You took advantage of my willingness
To do anything for love
Now I'm the only one in pain
Will you please take it all away

Never thought being born a girl
How I can love you and be burned
And now I will build a wall
To never get torn again

Something Interesting =)

2007-07-15T17:20:00.000+08:00

You are The Chariot

Triumph, Victory, Overcoming Obstacles.

The chariot is one of the most complex cards to define. On its most basic level, it implies war, a struggle, and an eventual, hard-won victory. Either over enemies, obstacles, nature, the beasts inside you, or to just get what you want. But there is a great deal more to it. The charioteer wears emblems of the sun, yet the sign behind this card is the moon. The chariot is all about motion, and yet it is often shown as stationary. It is a union of opposites, like the black and white steeds. They pull in different directions, but must be (and can be!) made to go together in one direction. Control is required over opposing emotions, wants, needs, people, circumstances; bring them together and give them a single direction, your direction. Confidence is also needed and, most especially, motivation. The card can, in fact, indicate new motivation or inspiration, which gets a stagnant situation moving again.

Tekan East Coast..

2007-07-02T20:59:00.000+08:00

FINALLY AR!!!! Go east coast with my dearest lao po who is crappy as ever. Tell you ar..one of us can make you laugh till tummyache...combine two of us together you will be rolling on the floor, shivering like nobody's business. Yar, we are that cold.

Honestly I dunno how to go east coast. It was all based on my memory from like 6 yrs back. Asked chris who lives nearby but he dun quite know how to give directions. I only know if I reached marine parade I should be close by. So ended up we were following 2 gerls who happened to be in beach wear. Ying Hui was like giving me the disbelieving look.."Let's go library" the moment we dropped off at marine parade library. Haizz...NJC jiu shi NJC de. We walked from marine parade to east coast and due to my stubborness we walked the wrong way..lol..nvm treat it as warm up ba..

We started cycling first lor but the bicycles were a little bit too tall for us but my egoistic nature pushed it aside and we started CYCLING!!! WOOTS!! But then had not even passed 5 minutes got this gerl was cycling in front of me. That faggort suddenly turned like nobody's business. I wanted to siam her but ended up knocking my friend off. I almost knocked onto the tree after skidding from the pavement to grass. Piaked my small toe and ying hui got scratches plus her whole arm was red la. The freaking parents only know how to watch. Dey din even apologize?! The kid cycled off...WTH!! Hit and run case AR!!! Today lots of ny peeps around..so cycle half way say hi cycle halfway say hi..hard to balance..lol

Worse thing is that kid I bumped into her thrice..so suay..she freaking cycle like drunked la. Earthworm can do a much better job la. Got people like this ar..I rather take bus. I chiong cycling with Ying hui but lost terribly. Butt pain after that..lol..chose wrong bike. We went to eat SUBWAY!!! Lol, very healthy hor..then we went roller blading!!! Ahahaha!!! ( I dragged her to go de =x) Again la..not even half an hour, she fell down and scratched herself...ahyo today lots of mishaps lei... Skate till time limit's up. We stone at seaside for a while..drank slurpee and headed back...

Today i train my legs and when i come back, I train arms. My mum la..say wad train whole body so ask me buy 10kg rice and hell lot more groceries..Small kick but i dying now. Later write calligraphy with my hands shake like no one's business. One more class and sch of teacher's to go. My teachers very nice to me so must repay back

BBALL AT LAST!!!!!

2007-06-29T22:44:00.000+08:00

Me and Lynette ( Man, I have an ugly smile)

One more!! You are looking at crazy me

Finally can stretch my limbs properly..BBALL AT LAST after all those exams!!! Today is really special cos I invited my childhood playmate, lynette to NY to play bball. Woke up at 6a.m. Then I do housework lor... leave house at 6.45 sharp...meeting her at 7 at ang mok kio mrt station..haha.. She reached there a few mins eariler than me ( Oh no! I never late for meetings de!) " I in toilet now..I da pian" =.= that's wad she wrote when I smsed her. After I met her up, we take bus no 22 to NY lor.. The school damn quiet cos got higher mother tongue exam..hehe.. and we going to play basketball... i think ppl going to throw books at us le..meeting up with albert also..lynette la, forgot his name then called him albert or bird.=.= He reached at 8... lynette amused the hell out of herslef by calling albert xiao pang.. Not that small la..
Chris was supposed to come also but I can bet $100 that he cannot wake up and Albert lost $2 to me cos of that. Ahahaha..we play till 1.15pm he still did not come...should have bet more..LOL..jkjk
So the three of us started playing till 11 to eat..I wasn't that hungry cos I drank one full carton of soya bean milk. Shared fish slice soup plus rice with lynette.. Lynette liked it a lot, ahahah..glad she does. Then we went back to continue playing. Lynette dun like the sun ( no wonder she so fair) so she stayed in shelter till around 12pm when more ppl joining us. Javier's classmates and himself went to makan b4 playing. Ahaha, selfish for me to say that I am glad lynette is arnd my height so she understands my feelings. Ahahaha..she played bball damn funny la. When the ball was passed to Her, all the guy started to line up in front of her like crowding around the basketball net with their back facin her. They crapped that if they stood in front of her, they would have better chance of getting the rebound.. haha. Hey, why I dun get the same treatment. Always gai me de..nvm, like that more fun. We play till 1.15pm Cos I have to go out with mum. The rest of the day I dun feel like mentioning it cos I had another quarrel with my mum. Lazy to talk abt it also. But it ended ok...I think..

Do Something! Help Stop the spread of Teenage Affluenza!

2007-06-18T22:30:00.001+08:00

Something I really really learnt from. Only to realise how lucky I am..thanks kephren for sharing

Today ar...quite productive =)

2007-06-06T21:32:00.000+08:00

I reached sch at 0710 cos Javier asked to reach at 0740 for bball and my tummy is making a racket..ended up that pig only woke up at 0845 something and somemore he lives at boon lay which is freaking far. Lucky I got bring my chem and my calligraphy to entertain myself. I started studying chemistry..mmm, 19 pages in all. Then after that I switched to calligraphy. Yong Kit and Jue Kai dropped by to dump their bags to me as they went off for floorball. AHAHAHA!! Yong Kit you finally not goal keeper liao ar? ^^ Lol, I managed to almost finish my class de names...mmm maybe 3 or 4 more to go ba. Listened finish 4 CDs before Javier finally reached. Then a bad thing happened!!! I SHOT BADLY!!!! OH NO!!!!! WAD HAPPENED TO ME?!?!?! Bleah..heck. Bbball seemed to have lost its appeal to me..haizz.. I played for less than half an hour (OMG!!!) then I ran off to have lunch..lol. I came back with my calf aching for no reason..Heck! It has been like that ever since holidays started. I went to squash court whack ball. Boy, Casslyn's racket rocks man! Tension of the strings damn shiok! Perrine came so might as well have a game wif her. Sad to say I am still way behind her..haizz...must ditch bball aside to train more!!! Tyson dropped by but he is only allowed to play if I am played squash with him. Ok lor...so ended up 11-3 ( I won), 11-5 ( I lost T.T). He got blisters and ka jiao me like hell when online at night. Haizz...he darn discriminating against short pple like me...sad ar...Man, my neck is aching...bye bye

Funny...

2007-06-03T23:03:00.001+08:00

Ahahaha...imagine your baby behaves like this! LOL!

Madness

2007-06-02T22:32:00.000+08:00

As usual go back to sch for BBALL!!!! AHAHAHA!!! I am addicted to it le la...this time round Jono and Bryan came back too..lol. Javier joined in the game too! Played from 0730 to 0915 when we stopped for breakfast tapped under Bryan's bill and Javier need to go for his WR meeting. Hee, when I get my pay, is my turn cos I am really broke for now. After much persuading and "weighing pros and cons", Jono ponned lecture lor. " Pei Bryan la!" he said. Funny chaps both of them were, as usual la. Played till like 11 plus when Lincoln and gang joined in. Need to really persuade Jono and Bryan to play as they dun quite like play with strangers ma. Then somemore a bit awakward for me to ps them to let them play alone. Played for like half an hour before the chaps began complaining about the horrendous weather. Hot meh? Ahahaha! I wanna get tanned la. Javier came along and we played somemore bball..Next, challenged some army dudes for a game of 4v4. Darn zai la!! Only that I wasn't doing much. T.T..no choice la..I short ma. I was supposed to go for squash self traning at 1300 but Jono was like "whining", "OI! I pon lecture cos of playing bball with you guys..you run away so fast?! Wad's up with ya brotherhood ar!?" Haiz...true la hor..I am the one who asked him to come de ma...lol played somemore.. Surprise surprise I am not tired.. It started pouring so stopped playing lor.. YAY!!! Finally can play squash le!! =x Changed into my white gay shoes...WAKAKA!!! Eh..got some squash peeps there so played round after round. The squash felt darn cosy la with the weather pouring like nobody's business outside. Finally really tired liao..I was about to drag my butt home when I saw Jia Rong in the canteen mugging..geez, I feel ashamed. He persuaded to stay with him to study. He was studying atomic structure so I wiped out the econs notes I brought along. This fella ar..concentration very jia lat one ar. Many times have to treat him like my students to make him get back to his notes. I studied finish my econs long b4 he studied finished his. So I spent the rest of the time staring at him..hey! hey! hey! Dun get the wrong idea ar.. Haiz..when he finally finished studying, we packed up..I strolled to the side gate. Guess wad happened?! Zheng Zhi la! He literally dragged me into the bball court la cos he was playing a game with totally imbalanced team la. Eh..think is uniform vs non uniform which is 2 vs 4 la! Haiz..who asked me to not wear uniform and I stink like hell la..how many hours for sport today? Eh..9 hours leh! Haiz..Played bball again lor..wah!! I must be crazy. Haiz...1830 le. Darn late le..but I was somehow into the mood le so I had to drag myself out of sch if not mum is gonna skin me. I am pooped now..JA NEI!

First time that playing bball makes me depressed

2007-05-29T19:26:00.000+08:00

Today, my classmate brought his gf along to play bball and she does not know how to play so teach her la. The girlish laughter,the attempts to shoot, the uneasiness she has cos she did not wear any shorts beneath, makes me feel like an orge. Then when playing game, I cannot snatch her ball. Why so? Cos if i were to snatch will make me looK like rogue. As the game went on, when I shot some hoops, she says "joey is so cool la..can shoot so well". She turns to my classmate(her bf) to say "i think i dun like you liao..i like her better" Something within me snapped. SHe makes me feel that I am not a proper gerl. Is not beocs of wad she says. Is like comparing me and her as a gerl, she seemed to behave more properly than i do. She makes me feel like monster. Could not fit myself properly into the gender division. I AM A GERL? WHY DO I DUN FEEL NOR BEHAVE LIKE ONE? WAD IS WRONG WITH ME? True that everyone is unique..I am one who is totally offcourse...

Oh crap, went home to pang sai, bath and sleep for 1.5 hours . Went online to talk rubbish and emo-ing again. Rush through the squash design..geez..it looked bad..

The front...see the distorted human up there?

The back..the word really a bit "squashed"

Bleach Song

2007-05-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

Oreta awai tsubasa Your fragile, folded wings

kimi wa sukoshi aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa are just tired from the pure blue sky

mou dareka no tame janakute You don't have to force your smiles for anyone

jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo It's okay to smile..for yourself

izen toshite shinobiyoru kodoku That lonely feeling keeps creeping up on me

uchigawa ni tomaru rousoku A single candle burns still inside

nigiwau ba ni koukana chandaria to wa urahara ni There shouldn't be an expensive chandelier in a wild place like this

tarinai kotoba no kubomi wo nanide umetaraiin darou Can I really bury it all with empty words?

mou wakaranai yo I don't even know anymore...

semete yume no naka de jiyuu ni oyogetara As long as we can swim freely in our dreams

anaa sora mo iranai no ni we won't need that sky anymore.

kinou made no koto wo Even if you can't let go of the past

nulitsubusanakutemo asu ni mukaeru no ni I'll still be there to meet you tommorow

Where is your heart?

2007-05-27T21:28:00.000+08:00

Small cat: Eh? Where's ur heart?

Big cat: Can't feel meh? Oh ya..I lost it...man, it feels empty *close eyes in agony*

I cannot think of a title for this

2007-05-25T16:37:00.000+08:00

Lol...I borrow Shrek's ears from Gabs

Mmmm...today not bad a day ba. Wait, I change my mind. Bad day...nvm. I start from the top.

It looked like a day for me to chiong GP in preparation for tmr but then the devil took over and with some "help" from my classmates, I pon lecture!!! Ahahaha, but..but..but I did pen down some notes. Learnt a new game..nay, this time is not sports. I learnt bridge!!! AHAHAHA!! I know la...I a bit slow ma.. Quite addictive. Maybe is becos beginner's luck ba...I only lose in one game. We like have our butts stick on the comfy seat of MAC and I was fooling arnd with Gabs' Ipod and her Shrek's ears. Played for like 3 hrs then everyone got really sian. We started to debate where to go. Jamie had an appointment with her friend so left with me, yap huat and Gab and Jia Qi.

Me and yap huat, " GAB'S HOUSE???"

Gab,"NO!!!! I HAVE TO PACK MY HOUSE!!! MY DOG VERY FIERCE DE!!!!"

Yap Huat,"PLAY MAJONG LA!!!"

Gab,"HUH...MOVE THE MAJONG THINGY(I forgot what the hell they mentioned) TO THE CLUBHOUSE AR???"
They started quibbling for like 5 minutes ? And I was half listening to them talking abt having three player majong...then I blurted,

"I DUNNO HOW TO PLAY MAJONG!!!"

Everyone was stopped and Gabs was like " JOEY! YOU PRO LIAO!!! ENDED UP WE ONLY HAVE TWO PLAYERS!!! WASTE 5 MINUTES OF OUR LIFETIME (@.@..I have no comment on that)) EVERYONE GO HOME LA!!!" Surprisingly, I did not hear her yell,"NEH NEH POKS LA!!!"
The situation was funny like hell...then I suddenly decided to go home pang sai...I know la..I very random le.

Reach home pang sai le then do housework. I pestered her to get me one of those Shrek's ears for Youth Day. =X Mum reached home and the usual cycle repeated again. Scream here scream there scream everywhere. ZZZZ...tired of this shit le la..haizz...spoil my entire day. Wad will my holidays become? I am so not looking forward to it. Trying to get my friend to go out..maximise my time out of the house. He always gimme negative answer leh...haizzzz

30th NY student investiture

2007-05-24T22:25:00.000+08:00

Was watching the 30th student council de investiture...they used the Bond de victory...somehow reminded me the song my batch of council back in sec sch used to march in...thinking back, it is quite cool.. here it goes.. Believe me by Fort Minor

Guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

I don't want to be the one to blame
You like fun and games
Keep playing em
I'm just saying
Think back then
We was like one and the same
On the right track
But I was on the wrong train
Just like that
Now you've got a face to pain
And the devil's got a fresh new place to play
In your brain like a maze you can never escape the rain
Every damn day is the same shade of Grey

Hey
I used have a little bit of a plan
Used to
Have a concept of where I stand
But that concept slipped right out of my hands
Now I don't really even know who I am
Yo, what do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free and
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

Back then, I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you proved to me unintentionally

That you would self-destruct eventually
Now I'm thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt
But it's not gonna work
Cause it's really much worse than I thought
I wished you were something that you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I got

You turned your back
And walked away in shame
All you got is a memory of pain
Nothing makes sense so you stare at the ground
And hear my voice in ya head when no one else's around
What do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free and
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

Do what i have to do
You're on your own now believe me

What ever happens to you
You're on your own now believe me

What do I have to say
You're on your own now believe me

It's not gonna happen to me
You're on your own now believe me

Darn Week

2007-05-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

I dunno la..have been surviving on kaya buns and ren bean buns this week which is darn pathetic. Let's just get this straight..I am freaking broke. Students not having lesson so not receiving any cash la. Feel darn weird to suddenly ask money from my mum and free loading from my sis. So not my style. Quarrels abt finance again..can say is frequent for this week. Very frustrating for my mum to be two sided. First when I teach tuition she keep s asking to quit it to concentrate on studies. Now that I have not taught for two weeks and have no cash, she keep stressing how much money she has to spent on electrical and medical bills...come on la.. I have been paying my own school fees, transport fees, pocket money, books and other shit. She made it seemed that I have not done a shit. Calling me a beast which is cold blooded and does not understand her problems. Darn it!!! Is like living on my own..honestly I dunno wad is love..in fact I have not felt it before. Was very embarrased when my students were making Mother's Day card (paiseh..that is donkey days ago) and asked me to edit their grammar. WTH la..the sentences are all from their heart. Even if the english is that bad it is still fluent. I cannot even bring myself to say those sentences they wrote. I just dun feel belonged to the family. Everyone is minding their own business..worse off than living in a hostel. I am looking forward to living alone in a cozy apartment with two dogs named "PEEKA" and "BOO".....ya, just me and my dogs. I am nobody's gerl..too ugly, too tom boyish, too stupid to be..

I AM DARN DEPRESSED!!! DUN ASK ME WHY!!!

2007-05-13T00:13:00.000+08:00

Dreams destroying my sleep
How can hurt reach so deep?
Waking up is so much effort
Sleep is a luxury I can't afford

Depression overwhelms my soul
Deep darkness, a big, black hole.
Sadness eats its way through my heart
Where does it end, where did it start?

No one understand this pain
Nothing to lose. nothing to explain
Lost in a neverending maze
Every moment just a dizzy daze.

Why does it have to be me?
If only the future I could see
Afraid of shadows in the dark
Will I ever make my mark?

Unseen tears flowing from my heart
I must go on, play my part
Life has to continue for today
Living my life, come what may

To know that I'm not the only one
Helps a little, but it's no fun
Even God seems oh, so far away
Who can brighten up my day?

So tired of fighting this feeling
My mind just spinning and reeling
I hate these pain I have to take
MAkes me feel my life is just a fake

What can I do, where can I go?
Stumbling around, to and fro
Wondering when this will end
Isn't there an angel he can send?

Not much more to say for now
Just wondering how, how, how
Again pulling myself together
Hoping that this won't last forever..

Mmm

2007-05-11T23:12:00.001+08:00

You are a Buff Girl!

You've got a boomin' body and a fearless spirit.
Most guys have trouble keeping up with your energy and fitness level.
Competitve and fun loving, you're up for almost anything.
Make sure you pick a guy who doesn't mind getting beaten by a girl!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

What Does My Sleeping Position Say About Me?

2007-05-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.
Shy and private, you yearn for security.
You take relationships slowly.
You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Insane..

2007-05-11T22:38:00.000+08:00

Whoa..today 5 hrs of basketball..darn shiok..got a little bit of sunburn but still cool. Wished I can play longer though. Very emo today so this is my shortest blog ever.. Haizzz, wad the shit I am feeling now?

不管你是否迷信，这篇文章都应该读一下，好吗？

2007-05-10T18:52:00.000+08:00

祝福≈≈≈

我不会给你钱，因为我没有。
给你生活的忠告:
多吃些粗粮.
给别人比他们自己期许的更多，并且用心去做
熟记你喜欢的诗歌
不要轻信你听到的每件事，不要花光你的所有，不要想睡多久就睡多久。
无论何时说“我爱你”，请真心实意。
无论何时说“对不起”，请看着对方的眼睛。

相信一见钟情。
永远不要忽视别人的梦想。
深情热烈地爱，也许你会受伤，但这是使人生完整的唯一方法。
用一种明确的方法解决争议，不要冒犯。
永远不要以貌取人。慢慢地说，但要迅速地想。
当别人问你不想回答的问题时，笑着说“你为什么想知道？”
记住那些敢于承担最大风险的人才能得到最深的爱和最大的成就。
给妈妈打电话。如果不行，至少在心里想着她。

当别人打喷嚏时，说一声“God Bless You”。
如果你失败了，千万不要忘记汲取教训。
记住三个“尊”：尊重你自己；尊重别人；保持尊严，对自己的行为负责。
不要让小小的争端损毁了一段伟大的友谊。
无论何时你发现自己做错了，竭尽所能去弥补。动作要快！
无论什么时候打电话，摘起话筒的时候请微笑，因为对方能感觉到！
找一个你爱聊的人结婚，因为当年龄大了以后，你会发觉喜欢聊天是一个人最大的优点。

找点时间，单独呆会儿。
欣然接收改变，但是不要摒弃你的个人理念。
记住，沉默是金。
多看点书，少看点电视。
过一种高尚而诚实的生活。当你年老时回想起过去，你就能再一次享受人生。
相信上帝，但是别忘了锁门。

家庭的融洽氛围是难能可贵的。
尽你的全力让家平顺和谐。
当你和你亲近的人吵嘴的时候，试着就事论事，不要扯出那些陈芝麻烂谷子的事。
不要摆脱不了昨天。
多注意言下之意。
和别人分享你的知识，那才是永恒之道！
善待我们的地球。
不要愚弄自然母亲。
忙自己该做的事。
不要相信接吻时从不闭眼的伴侣。

每年至少去一个你从没去过的地方。
如果你赚了很多钱，在活着的时候多行善事。这是你能得到的最好回报。
记住有时候，不是最好的收获也是一种好运。
深刻理解所有的规则，合理地更新他们。
记住：最好的关系存在于对别人的爱胜于对别人的索求之上。
回头看看你发誓取得的目标，然后评判你到底有多成功。
无论是烹调还是爱情，都用百分之百的负责态度对待，但是不要期求太多的回报。

因为陌生，所以勇敢，因为距离，所以美丽。

Really ma? Continued

2007-05-09T21:02:00.000+08:00

You Are Pretty Happy

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life.
But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it.
Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career.
Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!

How Happy Are You, Really?

Man, I feel like shit these days, but true, I have great friends and whole bunch of crazy classmates whom I contaminate rabies with...lol...CHEERS TO 0702 and great friends from 0715!!!

Really ma?

2007-05-08T23:22:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.
You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.
The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.

You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.
You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.
Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!

You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.
Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.
You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

My personality..Quite true though

2007-05-07T21:12:00.000+08:00

Artisan (SP)

You are both grounded and flexible. You adapt well to new situations.
You are playful and free spirited - but you are also dependable and never flaky.

You don't do well in conservative, stuffy situations.
It's probably very hard for you to keep a normal job or stay in school.

You are always up for fun and adventure. Most people are too boring for you.
You take risks and bend the rules. And if things don't work out, you chock it up to life experience.

In love, you tend to take things quickly - but you have a huge problem with commitment.

At work, you need to make your own rules. You're best suited to be an entrepreneur.

With others, you are animated and physical. You prefer doing something with friends to just hanging out.

As far as your looks go, you tend to be buff and in good shape. Your spend more time on your body than your clothes.

On weekends, you need to keep active. From cooking up a storm to running a 5K, you wear yourself out.

WTH

2007-05-06T11:14:00.000+08:00

Can't be bothered abt calligraphy..damn it like as if I HAVE interest in it. It is a bullshit activity, writing dammn chinese words. Go for the damn competition just to compare who writes better. SO what if you can write? In this society art is just something to be looked at and not smth that you can feed urself with. Big deal, I dun wan to write. Dun allow me to have sports in secondary school, fine, it is in the past. Now? NO WAY!!! You wanna mess with what I wanna do, clip my wings and restrict my movements. I'll scratch your eyes out, accompany me to be handicapped.

AND BTW, I SHAPE MY OWN LIFE . TOO BAD IF I AM NOT WHAT YOU HAVE WANTED OR EXPECTED. GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE. THIS APPLIES TO ANYONE OUT THERE, ESPECIALLY MY DARN MOTHER. STOP COMPARING SOMEONE ELSE WHO HAS THE LOOKS, THE TALENT WITH ME. YOU YEARN TO HAVE OTHER'S QUALITIES IN ME. FORGET IT, GO SNATCH PPLE'S DAUGHTER OR GET ANOTHER CHILD URSELF. I CAN'T BE BOTHERED. WHO AM I NOW IS MOSTLY YOUR FAULT!!! BUT I CAN'T BOTHERED..I LIKE WHO I AM NOW!!!

I have been too nice. Time to feel my wrath. Experience the true side of me.

Just a reflection

2007-05-05T23:10:00.000+08:00

I rarely miss out any sunrise. Wake up when it is still dark and prepare to go out to school or teach tuition as the sky gets brighter. Though the sunrise is beautiful and unique everyday, somehow I always feel the same feeling that things will go wrong each day. Have been sleeping at late hours like two o'clck in the morning. Nay, I am not complaining. Is only staring at the ceiling...that's why I slept at late hrs.

Can feel my body breaking apart bit by bit but I dun care. I wanna get really sick in order to rest. I cannot bring myself to rest. I cannot stop working. I dun wan all the thoughts to take over and leave me depressed and hating myself.

Can feel my soul corroding off as each day ended with a disappointment. Eventually what it is left is just an empty shell. A human who has no hopes of life. A human with no emotions.

I want a shorter lifespan. No point for me to linger on. I wish I could will my heart to stop. Let go of the last breath and finally I can rest. It will be a death with regrets and unfulfilled dreams but at least I am released from all the pain and sorrow that are always trailing behind me, chaining me down.

What kind of tarot card I represent?

2007-05-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

You Are The Chariot

You represent a difficult battle, and a well-deserved victory.
You tend to struggle to get what you want, both internally and externally.
You excel at controlling opposing forces, getting down the same path.
In the end, you bring glory and success - using pure will to move forward.

Your fortune:

There is great conflict in your life right now, either with yourself or others.
You must find a solution to this conflict, which is likely to be a "middle road" between the two forces.
You posses the skills to triumph over these struggles, as long as your will is strong.
You are transforming your inner self, building a better foundation for future successes.

What Tarot Card Are You?

Something I really learnt

2007-05-03T18:31:00.000+08:00

Genius

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: "So you believe in God?"

Student: "Absolutely, sir."

Prof: "Is God good?"

Student: "Sure."

Prof: "Is God all-powerful?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?"

(Student is silent.)

Prof: "You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "Is Satan good?"

Student: "No.

Prof: "Where does Satan come from?"

Student: "From...God..."

Prof: "That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "So who created evil?"

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: "Yes, sir."

Prof: "So, who created them?"

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: "Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son... Have you ever seen God?"

Student: "No, sir."

Prof: "Tell us if you have ever heard your God?"

Student: "No , sir."

Prof: "Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelled your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?"

Student: "No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't."

Prof: "Yet you still believe in Him?"

Student: "Yes."

Prof: "According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

Student: "Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: "Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has."

Student: "Professor, is there such a thing as heat?"

Prof: "Yes."

Student: "And is there such a thing as cold?"

Prof: "Yes."

Student: "No sir. There isn't."

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: "Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: "What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?"

Prof: "Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?"

Student: "You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light.... But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker,wouldn't you?

Prof: "So what is the point you are making, young man?"

Student: "Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed."

Prof: "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

Student: "Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life; just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

Prof: "If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do."

Student: "Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: "Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?"

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?"

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: "Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor'sbrain, felt it, touched or smelled it?..... No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures,sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: "I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son."

Student: "That is it, sir.. The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive."

That young man was ALBERT EINSTEIN.......

Geez...bad day..bad day

2007-04-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

Haizzz...today bad day ar!!! Hee, I did not workout today, instead I was watching Kannazuki no Miko. The ending very sad ar...ended up best friends had to kill each other. Today not going for squash, nay, not I getting lazy, is mum's orders...tmr got calligraphy competition. Wad to do?
Today got econs test and I sort of prepared for it...mmm. I was busy cloning econs b4 the test and had not revised through yet. Anyhow la..the scary part is that I just realised that today got biology make up lesson. Need to do enzymes TYS and I did not brign the book nor I have even molest it. So chiong to canteen to photocopy. Photocopier suddenly make fun of me and printed out crap. Haizz, can actually feel it was mocking at me. Geez, so cloned bio lor...ahyo, bio prac also have not memorised. Darn it, I read it dunno how many times, squeezed everything into my brain the previous night but everything poofed again.There goes my efforts. Aren't I am at the same level with those who did not studied? Man, I just feel darn dumb..haizz..
Chem tutorial wasn't that bad as I was laughing like hell with JiaQi cos we were like two dumbos trying to draw the dot cross diagram of sulphur dioxide. Ahyo, suppose to be elementary lei. After many attempts and laughing at each other for being stupid, we only to found that we were right all the while only that we counted the wrong number of lone pair...dumb right? Haizz...
My first break in the canteen at 1400 to 1500..lol..cos I am always at the squash court..the whole class was chionging to memorise prac but dropped it when we heard that we could refer...diaoz...we are a bunch of slackers..lol..here comes the funny part.
Mrs Ng was trying her very best to teach me respiration but I kept saying the wrong things. She was trying to be angry la. So she took her red pen to scribble on my hand but did not work. Took out her marker but too did not work. Took out her permanent marker but too did not work. Lol, I was grinning. Hoorays to hairy hands!!! Lol..so she took out a whiteboard marker..it worked. She drew smth but I could not register what it is. I heard kelvin said," tortoise" Ahyo, darn it I am getting slow...it looked cool though. During practical mrs ng told me i could wash it away. "Nay, it looked quite nice" She was really amused.."AHYO, joey ah..just now scold you until like that still like it ar..tsk,tsk.." Mmm, maybe is just me who dun think things like things is shameful ma...maybe I have low maturity..
After bio went to find Miss choong to get my phone. Haizz, talking to her was an agony. I was abt to strangle her just to get back my phone. Agonising weekend I had gone through and then an agonising conversation with this teacher who knows exactly how to grind me. Breathe in...anger control..lucky my counsellor taught me that..
FINALLY!! GOT MY PHONE BACK!!! Haizz, a lot of missed calls ar...lots of sms also..talk to andrew in the canteen b4 I rushed home...geez, caliigraphy again...
My ex schoolmtae kindly made a webby for me...most of it is true...haizz...I suck...www.shuzhen.youarelame.com

Quarrel! Quarrel! Quarrel SOMEMORE!!! DARN IT!

2007-04-29T13:56:00.000+08:00

吵架了过后，
结果是爱是恨或者是什么，
界线再也不清楚了
亲情更不用说了，

从孩子的观点让我明白地说，
无论你是我的母亲或是长辈，
不止白白惹人讨厌让人嫌你罗嗦，
恨不得没跟你认识过。
你讲也讲不听听又听不懂，
懂也不会做你做又做不好，
你现在无论说些什么我也不想听。

面对陌生疑惑肯定困难的生活，
过去的日子仿佛偷偷地在笑我，
笑我的无能也笑我白痴，
离开你是傻是对是错是残忍是刻薄。
不知情的认可说我没人性，
但我再也受不了了。

吵架了过后，你以为我们之间还会有什么？
什么都不是！！！走开！！

Had a heated quarrel again, conflict of interests, miscommunication...kinda sick of it. Ha, talk crap...quarreling makes us bonded. MY ASS!! Only know how to push the blame..damn it! Can't listen is it? LISTEN TO THIS! I DUN CARE YOU ARE MY ELDER OR WHATEVER SHIT! GO SPEND YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY YOURSELF!! YOU WANNA GRUMBLE, DO THINGS YOUR OWN FREAKING WAY! DUN POKE INTO MY MATTERS IF YOU ONLY KNOW HOW TO HURL SARCASTIC REMARKS!!! AND STOP CALLING ME ONE WHO IS COLD BLOODED!! YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE MERCILESS TONGUE!!

Nanyang 30th Carnival, I wasn't doing much

2007-04-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

Is carnival right? Must be enjoyable right? Ironically, I wasn't enjoying myself. Nay, not the school's fault, more is my fault. Having to have my phone confiscated unabled me to contact anyone (bad day)so I hardly find anyone I know to accompany to walk around except jue kai and lee min. By the time I saw my classmates, I was very depressed so only mangae to say a meek "HI", steal a gui4 from tammy before I trudged off. Seeing family bringing their kids along, couples walking round the place and friends in group laughing brought my mood down a further notch. I was sick of seeing these things. Holy shit, my family was even messier than before the the divorce. At least we were working together to get out of my dad's nonsense.

I am used to being alone ever since primary school. Aren't I am suppose to enjoy myself being alone? Aren't I used to that? NO! I am being stupid again. I relied to much on others' company. I could feel the familiar bitterness of being lonely before I divorced part of myself away. Somehow I got hurt again after I patched myself up. WHat's the point? I was really feeling sick so I went backstage to rest. Instead I cried myself to sleep. Felt a lot better. Hate to admit it but crying helps.

The minister finally came. The choir members were preparing their entrance from the backstage. Seeing nicholyn makes me fekt even better. I crapped with her and get to know some of her fellow members though I might not be able to recognise them on monday. Paiseh la, Short term memory ma. I was too engrossed with the cake that I forgot my cue. Made one of the teachers quite mad but who cares? As long as the minister got what he was suppose to get, no harm waiting for a short girl for a 2 minutes. Ha, he remarked that he just went to my sec sch on wed for the opening of the sky garden. Man, I totally forgot all abt it.

After this, I went somerset with jue kai and lee min. Longbang Xiang Xiang's taxi (eh, I dunno his name, lee min told me is xiang xiang then so be it since he also amuses himself to call my chinese name which I hate it). we walked from PS to somerset. God knew how I amused the two of them that I only knew tonight we actually walked past the place where the president work. I was saying, "whoa, no wonder la..always got police..mmmm..there are 4 of them, 3 of us. We rampage in wan or not." Lee Min was like the sianz look, " You run in also no use. Nothing inside.." True la but quite amusing wad..3 college students running amok in such important place..

Go John Little buy stuff liao then we go Heeren to see see for my court shoes..geez, I cannot afford those I like and I also afford to play squash barefoot ba. Sianz, I was thinking of accompanying them to Eunos but I realised I had a lot of shit haven't do so went back...Haizzz, lousy day

Geeezzzz..LAUGH!!! DARN POOPED!!!

2007-04-21T21:06:00.000+08:00

Surprisingly, I did not doze off during lessons today...ok, for 10 minutes..today the main subject taught was maths...mmm, 6 hours in all. My throat is getting sore from all the laughing, talking and eating snacks to keep myself awake. Dun ask me why but I can teach half way and fall alseep with my brain still processing wad to say after that..

Funny thing of the day, I was talking abt the Snell's Law (oops, forgot the spelling). My student did not catch wad I say..so he asked "huh? Snell's ball?" Everyone was laughing like hell so no one answered him. So he asked again " Wad thing? Rice ball?" Everyone laughed even harder only another fellow choked out "Football la..." Lol, I was laughing like hell..so spent a lot of time recovering myself...

Got paid!!! So went to buy my deodorant AT LAST AR!!! Bought chao guay tioa and hokkin mee...anyhow la..each half half..bought soya bean milk and cake for tmr de breakfast...haizz...watched the second last ending of bai se ju ta..sad ar...why life always got such unfair things like daughter passing away on one's birthday?

Mind boggling

2007-04-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

Group PHOTO!!!
Cheeky bunch
Yap Huat and Me

Kai Ting was trying to make me to smile in front of the camera..TOO CLOSE!!

I TELL YOU AR!!! I CAN PRACTICALLY RUN OUT OF THE LECTURE THEATRE SCREAMING AND RUN ROUND THE TRACKS, STILL SCREAMING!!!! Crap, is like as if I am learning third language..geez, german is so much better. I cannot understand the lecturer was talking abt..wad dihydroxyacestone? Geez..i catch no ball..had to control myself from running out of the LT, pulling my hair..darn it, wad I am going through is just the tip of the iceberg..

And one obscene thing i saw today is someone did not zip his pants. Mmm...not gonna say who he is but the whole class tried to hint him plus me yelling,"WATCH YOUR ATTIRE!!!" Haizz..doubt he really caught anything. Then again, we tried our best..very embarrasing to tell him personally.

Went to J8 to eat pastamania..lol gossiped a lot after eating..creamy chicken was AAAALLLLLLLLLRRRIGGGGHHHHTTTT I think..ermmm..not gonna eat it liao..We took pictures and walked around b4 I need to run off to teach tuition..Finally able to drag my ass home at 2030..bought chao guo tiao and haizz, my deodorant ran out of stock..reached home at 2200. Went online and saw the person I liked from far online too.. Ar hahaha...mmmm..oh ya, I wore pink today..spoiled my record..wad is wrong with me?

Oh dear..

2007-04-19T22:42:00.000+08:00

Dun ask me why..I am just allergic to my chem teacher.. Cringed when I saw her or hear her voice. Darn it, she just make me uneasy. Nay, she did not do anything nasty to me YET...but seemed that every part of me is rejecting her. Today practical I was willing myself not to jump out of the lab. Heavens know how relieved I was when the bell rang, packed my bag and dashed out. Today, fun ba..somehow like sports fiesta..1 hr of squash, 1 hr of tennis and 1.5 hr of basketball...not do all at one shot la..I am not superwomen. Today, not bad ba..only things that cheers me up is sports and more sports.. Had to get myself occupied if not i very emo de. I also dunno why. Seemed my conditions have not improved much...mmm, just realised canteen talk is not that tough as wad I thought it was. Haha, my classmates told me last night that flaws abt me is that I dun bitch abt others (how to bitch abt others when i cannot even grasp nor understand myself that well), spend more time in the basketball court than in shopping centre (standard ar? gerls must be in shopping centres meh? I rather do push up in the toilet though it is kind of small..) and eh..must be more fem...mmm...lol..geez..someone pass me some make up =X Oh dear, tmr wear pink..

mmm..love exist ba

2007-04-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

Mmmm..Jue kai intro me to this webby------>http://universalbuddy.tripod.com/story.htm quite touching..it made me realised I am a very very slow reader. Man, am I that random? Aren't I am suppose to say "Orh..true love exists ba.." Ok la, I believe now..happy? On condition I add in something, true love never has an ending UNLESS you found the person you truely have feelings for..I am looking...searching..geez I am contridicting myself as I mentioned b4 I am not interested in such stuff. Hey, I am just an average gerl with looks below average..so no harm done..(geez..I am talking rubbish again..very random but too bad, is MY style..messy like hell)

Drowning....Lost when surfaced

2007-04-15T07:50:00.000+08:00

I've been hurt
Many a time before
My heart bleeds rivers
Deep enough to drown

Thought I to be the one
To swim against the current
Swim against the force
The force that pulls one down

But no matter how hard I try
I can't seem to win this fight
I seem to be further behind

我疯了

2007-04-14T20:05:00.000+08:00

我这老妈子就喜欢开玩笑，帮我作facial. 是一边做一边吵架。As usual,像往常一样在MSN与朋友聊天，才发现谁都没有话题来聊，只是傻傻`默默地瞪着荧幕。我对这种感觉太熟悉了，isn't it just another friend that I talked to till there is nothing to talk about? 交朋友是这样的下场吗？算了，looks like I have been sleeping all this whole. Oblivious from where I am standing..people showed me I stand, on the position where I am meant to be alone..BUT me, being thick-skinned keep fighting to get a space where people are suitable to be socialising. So got pushed out and hurting myself, stupid right? Hasn't I experinced it first time in my life during the previous relationship? We talked till we HAD to strain ourseleves to literally squeeze out subjects to talk, to interact. Got more and more distanced, ended up, backed up by the other party's faults, we said "you are not my type" and broke up. PAthetic, darn pathetic...who? ME, myself and I who is the main problem. 站错位置。。。

"Think wat you will I am too indifferent to care" I will remember this sentence that hurts me a lot forever

We Live In Singapura - Mr Brown Show

2007-04-12T22:20:00.001+08:00

Written by Edmund Tan. Performed by Hossan.

Cartoon version

Sang Nila, Utama
Saw a lion, alamak
Name the village Singapura, then run very far

Years later, ang mor came
Stamford Raffles was his name
Posed for statues very nice, we kenna colonize

(instru)

Singapura very strong
Big guns all, pointing wrong
Japanese, came on bikes, invade us from our backside

War is over, ang mor back
Singaporeans no respect
Commies come, make a fuss, Singapore independance!

CHORUS
I live in Singapura
It’s not perfect living
But at least it’s interesting
I live in Singapura
Though it’s kind of crazy
We win other country

David Marshall, Lim Yew Hock
National Anthem starts to rock
Yusof Ishak the big man, guess who’s PM?

Malaysia say, come join me
Two of us be same country
Then not happy, Then make PM cry

PM Lee lead country
Build jurong and HDB
Made the country clean and green, opposition cannot win

JB Jeya no more funds,
Chee Soon Juan won’t eat his buns
Lim How Doong, what a goon, ‘Don’t talk cock’ in parliament

CHORUS
I live in Singapura
It’s not perfect living
But at least it’s interesting
I live in Singapura
Though its kind of crazy
We win other country

Kick out from Malaysia Cup
Michael Faye pain in the butt
S-League, Tea Dancing, Ah Bengs love Modern Talking

McDonalds Hello Kitty
Everyone drink Bubble tea
Crushing cockroach Margaret Chan, James Lye is VR Man

(instru)

Reclaimation, Tuas Causeway
Malaysian water buay ho sei
Mahathir’s friend Datuk Anwar, Mathathir says he’s chow Ah Qua

NDP, aunties rush
Everyone it’s fun to flush
Bubble gums are all banned, ask your friends buy from thailand

CHORUS
I live in Singapura
It’s not perfect living
But at least it’s interesting
I live in Singapura
Though its kind of crazy
We win other country

Driving car, not funny
Bid on cars with C-O-E
E-R-P, Road Tax, PARF until I want to barf

Why our locals have to pay?
Foreign talent are okay
Housing estate upgrade
by contractors who go pok kai

IMF must follow
Want to protest, go indoors
M-R-T not so fast
Newater they laugh at us

I live in Singapura
It’s not perfect living
But at least it’s in-teresting
I live in Singapura
Though its kind of crazy
We win other country

Baby bonus, maid levy
Singtel Shares give out for free
Jack Neo, Kit Chan, sexy pastor Ho Yeow Sun

Beckham parties with models
Has affair but no one knows
S-league, go world cup, can come true if they don’t suck

Mahathir then Abdullah
Bar top dancing at the bars
Budget airlines start to pa (ie fight) Stop speaking Singlish lah

Gay is okay says PM
SM Lee becomes MM
PM Lee the same name, here we go all over again.

WE LIVE IN SINGAPURA!

Lol..actually seen this at NY's broadcast system..I was quite deaf so could not heard it. But now I cannot stop laughing upon hearing it..nice one ar!!!

GreenTea Commercial

2007-04-11T21:44:00.000+08:00

Lol..this commercial very 可爱..wahahaha..nicholyn intro me de..really brighten up my gloomy night..

WHY PEOPLE HAVE KIDS AR??

2007-04-09T22:03:00.000+08:00

Why do people have kids?

-Wanting to continue their family name and leave behind a legacy

-After a job, car, marriage and a house, the next step was to have a child.(an extension of the commitment of marriage)

-Children are the celebration of the union of two people in love. I could live with that.

-I want my kids to look at me the way I look at my parents and say " I hope I can be a parent just like them."

-Despite the theory that people have kids because they want and have planned for a family; the truth is that most people have kids because a woman gets pregnant. That is about the only reason.

-They like kids, want something of 'their own', it is someone to love them unconditionally (until they are a teenager), To positive thinking people have children because they like them, or because they want to make the world a better place or because they can't stop themselves from doing a little genetic experimenting with the partner of their choice ("we'll have a girl, and she'll cure cancer and be president, and end world hunger")make more of our species, etc

-To raise a family and have a positive influence on the next generation

-Being a parent is a really special thing

-People want their kids to look after them when they old. (No one wants to be lonely or die alone)

So basically..

PEOPLE WANT KIDS BECAUSE:-.
1. Someone to love and to give love to me.
2. Someone to take care of me when I am older.
3. Someone to try and impress upon my views of life and the world.
4. Someone to keep my culture going.
5. If I have other kids...someone to keep them company when I am gone
6. Someone who will hopefully get my good genes
7. Someone who will remember me fondly.
8. Someone to pass on whatever material wealth I have accumulated.
9. to take on the challenge/responsibility of parenthood.
10. to help another human being in a most profound way (adoption)
11. to be a part of the overall human tradition

Haizzz..this is one of the GP assignments. Quite an interesting topic. Quite fun to go online to find out what are people's views. Some are funny but sort of crude. Lol, facts of life always sound crazy but they are very true..See? Humans are just bunch of crazy animals that use their brains in weird ways..count me in!! Lol..

AH!!! MY MONEY!!! Kidding.. =)

2007-04-06T22:22:00.000+08:00

Today as usual, woke up really early to teach tuition. Everything went went I guess except I practically fell asleep while waiting for my student to finish her hw. Oi..really tired ma. Finally got my pay for 4 lessons. Went to the next students house. Was quite angry with one of the student's mum cos it was time for tuition and she said she wanna bring him out. That is according to the student himself. If it is the truth, I am not too sure. Hey, who am I suppose to throw stones at? Is his own loss lor.. Then, mum called in the middle of the lesson. She wanted me to accompany to renew her plan. Haizz, I wan go home to zzz. But nvm..

So I found myself at Toa Payoh central at 6. Man, I think I look shabby. Bermudas, t-shirt and slippers and somemore carrying a whiteboard..geez, show me a worse attire. Trailed behind her to the M1 distributor. Looked around for phones she liked. " Must have radio ar! Oh ya, camera also nice nice one better.." Geez, that leaves out motorola phone. We settled with Nokia 6288. Dunno why, at the cashier, I automatically took out my wallet. "$111" I did not even blink and took out the cash. Whoa!!! POWER OF MONEY AR!!! My mum was grinning from ear to ear. "Dun care ar, this one your birthday gift." I muttered. 1/3 salary gone within minutes..whoa!! very good spending power...break my own record

My sis was yelling into my ear that she wanted one too. Too bad, get one yourself. And oh ya, you get urself mum's birthday gIft. Mine is settled...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Mural painting

2007-04-05T22:46:00.000+08:00

Class photo..mmm 我坐的姿势好像不大对。。
Candid Shot..oh dear..I look like mad woman
Nice tatoo

Today no school!! The whole of J1s are involved in the mural painting for the NY's 30th anniversary. Mmmm, I brought along newspapers and a portable radio (ended up we did not use it..haizz..) Haha, we have a fabulous time as we scramble around getting the correct paints. Haha, everyone very eager to paint. It is quite tough for the lower part of the wall as it is glazed. Actually hor, our design considered quite easy le. Th e rest of the murals look darn chim..lol.. we lacked of white paint so me, qi ying and yin cheong went to various blocks to beg for white paint..lol..slacking in progress too..a group of us went to Mac to slack..everyone laughed at everything and I really felt belonged..mmm, nice feeling nia. We went back to NY and I went to another block. 0715 de mural very nice ar!!! Had dinner with jue kai, shi pei, lee min and dunno who la...forgot his name =X Haha...I am vandalised..mum tot my aiming so atrocious that i painted myself instead of the wall.. VERY COLD AR!!!

Black Black Clouds over my head..disppeared after some insanity

2007-04-01T01:28:00.000+08:00

Sports carnival was so so la..nothing much lor. I participated in dragon boat and venessa was practically going nuts over it. She in dragon boat ma...geez..I almost forgot I got water phoebia but hell get over and done with la. The main attractiong seemed to be the swing, seesaw..and...WE PLAYED CATCHING. WTH...but fun lei..damn it..like very deprived of childhood. Chiong off when everything ended..went to lot 1 to eat fish soup. Mmm..haizz..I wanted bubble tea but queue very long..

Don't know wad really happened,,just that teach halfway suddenlybecome very moody. If I were to exaggerate, you could see dark clous floating above my head. Heel la, it was pouring like siao also. Mmm..is this call the heavens feel the same way as you feel? Ok..the good part is that my mum called in the middle of lesson. I thought is just another shit call to get me to buy groceries..BUT she said she is going overseas. BOOYEAH!!! Let the hell loose. Called my sis and she was giving that kind of bored tone,"ya ya i know la" Went home still moody la..dunno how to pamper myself. Jue Kai was trying to perk me online using lame jokes that I dun catch. Crap..my sense of humour getting below zero.

The empress dowager not at home of course must seize the chance to create havoc la..my sis and I feeling damn naughty so we went out for Mac. First time in my life to go out so late like 10 la..I know some pple would have said quite early wad..but for me, really damn late to go out. MAC FLURRY!! Haha, dunno when is the last time i ate it. The most I could afford is a sundae. Reached home like around 11 le. Dun me how we nu-a until so late.

Eileen and gang called. Played BBall at 1130. @.@ Tell you ar..really siao nia..on la..mum not at home!! Muahahaha!!! First time again la..play Bball so late. Insane nia. The lighting was really bad at the court so use 6th sense lor..think we made a lot of noise but heck..if we were really considerate peeps we would not have played bball so late in the first place. Ran around the court like crazy people deprived of exercise. Came back home grinning from ear to ear. SHUANG AR!!! WAIT!!! I still have to teach today..sianzz..die liao..sleep during lesson liao

Watched another movie

2007-03-27T22:37:00.000+08:00

Today went to watched Mr Bean's Holiday with yap huat, xiuli, alice(as crazy as me although she insist she isn't), kaiting and xiang rui. Second time go ViVo and my first time watching movie there..Darn funny..lol..most of the movie part is in foreign language..the really attractive part is when Mr Bean and the little boy performed in the streets to earn money. Wad keeps the movie going is that Mr Bean's horrendous luck that landed in all kinds of trouble. I really enjoy the part when he jammed in the toilet and the movie scene he was "hired". He plugged his charger affecting the boom effect the directer wans. So when he put back the plug the directer was showing his subcoordinates how he wanted his "BOOM!" and you know la hor..he went boom too...wee wee..gracias..lol

Chiong back for squash trials within 30 min..lucky I have the feeling that need to bring pe attire. It was not easy at first cos I have never molested a squash racket nor the squash ball b4..of course i missed a few balls. The coach turned out to be an Indian man. I was very nervous when he asked me to do some moves. Missed the first few but got the hang of it after like a minute? Everything just last for a while..haizz..不乐观啊。。went home being moody AGAIN..

Stomp The Yard

2007-03-20T23:26:00.000+08:00

Intro

Overview Of The Whole Movie

Competition of the finalist..pardon the voice over

Final Showdown..ZAI!!!

This movie was like WHOA!!! Stepping very ZAI AR!!! Actually venessa was like @.@ when I mentioned I going to watch alone. "Who got people watch this movie alone de?" Lol, but the movie really tempting...So INDEED worth watching la!!! WOOTS!!! I WANNA BUY DVD!!! Haizz..it will be cool if I can dance like this

Music and Lyrics

2007-03-13T23:06:00.000+08:00

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration  Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Never occur to me to watch this movie..come on la..is a romance movie lei. I never watch this kind of movie alone before. Somemore i dun believe in love anymore. But honestly the movie is very nice. Part of me depesperately wanted to be attached but the other part of me was saying such things are bullshit. Really nice to have someone to be always there for you ma..The story line, the songs..they are just so sweet. I almost cried the last part. Who noes? I still have the remains of my broken heart. Get someone to patch it up one day..I doubt it is soon. Heck! 我没有指望些什么。。我也懒得管。。

Prize Presentation

2007-03-04T22:13:00.000+08:00

Forget it..so call holiday (after orientation 2 that is) starting like hell letting loose. The day before holidays already somehow forecast the coming days. Quarrels like getting more and more HOT..more and more brain cells getting killed to rebute the person back. THE BATTLE OF THE OESTROGEN!! MAN I HATE WEEKENDS!!

Ok..that is besides the point..Uh Herm..today hor I wear NY blazer and tie and skirt for the first time. No, I am not that kanchiong to buy skirt le..is senior's de and the tie is 吴老师 buy for me de. Blazer loan de. SO usual thing la..getting pissed that my mum was taking her own sweet time. Surprisingly, the ceremony started quite punctually. Stoning till it was my turn. SO here the pictures:-

Group picture...eh? WHose watch is that? Get lost!! 不要抢镜头！！！

Muahahaha...my masterpiece but it still sucks especially the “天”

My own photo..hey stop asking me to smile..I hate cameras...
Picture with the guest of honour..dunno who is she..OH DEAR>> But she is very very friendly..